I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
