Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
