Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love you.
Bad choice
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