If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
