Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
