my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize