Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
