I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
