$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize