U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is wine microwaveable?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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