Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I want is dick and wine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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