he puts the penis in happiness.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize