Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
