Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
