Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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