did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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