True but thats because hes a fetus.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
