I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
