What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
