problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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