Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
