You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
