so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
