PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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