So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize