I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
