sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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