I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
