I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ok first of all what the fuck
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
