I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
