What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize