Christians are straight up FREAKS
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize