can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize