hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
