i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
