So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come see our sink grown plant.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
