i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
