I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
