Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize