she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
