You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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