I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
