You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
