Soap is not a condiment
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize