Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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