she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
