I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
