Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
