i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
