i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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