I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
