life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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