How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
