I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize