I'm jealous of your bromance
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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