at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
