Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
