So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
