We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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