After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
