she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you win again, gameday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
