the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
