I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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