I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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