ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
