You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
